It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me well that I consider discipline an extremely important aspect of parenting. I expect, no, demand that my children act appropriately for whatever circumstance in which they find themselves. However, I can only make such demands because I have taught them appropriate behavior. Much to my dismay it seems that very few parents share this point of view with me. We seem to have become a society more interested in indulging our children's whims than instilling character and integrity.
While permissive parenting has become pandemic in American society, I believe an even more pressing issue has arisen. To wit, a society held hostage by "special needs" children. While I know that there are many individuals living in our world who face unique challenges, their needs are no more special than the needs of all children.
Generally when considering how to properly discipline our children we ask ourselves, "how do we make sure we are providing the correct boundaries for our children while making sure they always feel our love for them?". I think there are several other questions we should be asking.
* How do we raise well adjusted, self-disciplined adults?
For me it has always been a priority to teach my children personal accountability. It is through accountability that we draw closer to our Father in Heaven and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Recognizing our weaknesses and working to improve them helps us achieve true joy in our lives.
For me it has always been a priority to teach my children personal accountability. It is through accountability that we draw closer to our Father in Heaven and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Recognizing our weaknesses and working to improve them helps us achieve true joy in our lives.
* What impact does our parenting and discipline have on other children who, from time to time, fall under our care?
This can be an extremely delicate subject. It is quite common for parents to have children not their own left in their care, thus requiring some level of discipline to be enforced on another's child. No two adults will parent in the exact same manner. Within my own family we have differing parenting styles and unique quirks. Whenever I leave my children in another adult's charge I expect there will be differences in the the way they handle the children, including differences in rules and discipline methods. Since I am very careful in my selection of these adults, I expect my children to adjust to these differences. I know these adults will treat my children with love and respect and will do nothing reckless or irresponsible with my children. I accept that the details of the way they work out their time together will be different from the way I would do it.
This can be an extremely delicate subject. It is quite common for parents to have children not their own left in their care, thus requiring some level of discipline to be enforced on another's child. No two adults will parent in the exact same manner. Within my own family we have differing parenting styles and unique quirks. Whenever I leave my children in another adult's charge I expect there will be differences in the the way they handle the children, including differences in rules and discipline methods. Since I am very careful in my selection of these adults, I expect my children to adjust to these differences. I know these adults will treat my children with love and respect and will do nothing reckless or irresponsible with my children. I accept that the details of the way they work out their time together will be different from the way I would do it.
* How do we help children with unique challenges fit into the world around them, rather than demanding that the world around them bend?
For instance, in Volusia County, FL a school went to extreme measures to accommodate one child's peanut allergy. Teachers were required to wipe both desktops and children with Clorox wipes regularly throughout the day. Non allergic children had their lunch menus dictated to them, were required to rinse their mouths out upon arrival at school and following lunch. The school even brought in a peanut sniffing dog. Parents who complained about these asinine measures were called heartless and even cruel.
As a parent it has been frustrating to me to have one set of rules imposed on my children and an entirely different set for "special needs" children. How does an adult in a position of authority or leadership over children justify disciplining or correcting "normal" children while condoning disrespectful and disruptive behavior from a "special needs" child? Why is it acceptable to tell "normal" Johnny to sit still and be quiet or be punished while "special needs" Tommy runs around, screams, and slams doors without any threat of consequence? While I expect my children to obey the adults I allow to be in charge of them I also expect those adults to be honest and fair in their dealings with all the children under their purview. To be frank, this is a situation I have difficulty knowing how to respond to. While I do not seek to cause offense, I am tired of the disruptions caused by parents who demand that the world adapt while simultaneously expecting nothing of their own children. I am willing to adapt to help those who are striving to fit into the world. But I am having an increasingly difficult time dealing with those who make no strides of their own and instead demand that we change.
Furthermore, what lessons are our children learning when they are held to a very different standard than other children under the same adult's care?
It is my hope that as parents we can think past the here and now. That we will look forward to the impact our method of rearing has on our children and society as a whole. I want to raise children who make the world a better place just by being in it.
For instance, in Volusia County, FL a school went to extreme measures to accommodate one child's peanut allergy. Teachers were required to wipe both desktops and children with Clorox wipes regularly throughout the day. Non allergic children had their lunch menus dictated to them, were required to rinse their mouths out upon arrival at school and following lunch. The school even brought in a peanut sniffing dog. Parents who complained about these asinine measures were called heartless and even cruel.
As a parent it has been frustrating to me to have one set of rules imposed on my children and an entirely different set for "special needs" children. How does an adult in a position of authority or leadership over children justify disciplining or correcting "normal" children while condoning disrespectful and disruptive behavior from a "special needs" child? Why is it acceptable to tell "normal" Johnny to sit still and be quiet or be punished while "special needs" Tommy runs around, screams, and slams doors without any threat of consequence? While I expect my children to obey the adults I allow to be in charge of them I also expect those adults to be honest and fair in their dealings with all the children under their purview. To be frank, this is a situation I have difficulty knowing how to respond to. While I do not seek to cause offense, I am tired of the disruptions caused by parents who demand that the world adapt while simultaneously expecting nothing of their own children. I am willing to adapt to help those who are striving to fit into the world. But I am having an increasingly difficult time dealing with those who make no strides of their own and instead demand that we change.
Furthermore, what lessons are our children learning when they are held to a very different standard than other children under the same adult's care?
It is my hope that as parents we can think past the here and now. That we will look forward to the impact our method of rearing has on our children and society as a whole. I want to raise children who make the world a better place just by being in it.
